A RATIONAL, INTELLIGENT,
BRILLIANT, OUTSPOKEN AND ALWAYS VERY HUMBLE OPINION ON ANY SUBJECT!
A Quick Look At Some
Soiling Insane Conspiracy Theories And Urban Legends
FOIL HAT AREA AHEAD!
Some people believe in remarkably stupid things. Here is a quick look
at some of the nuttiest conspiracy theories and urban legends
around...and this is only a very small sample! Since there's so many,
we'll just dive right in. Enjoy.
>The most complicated theory is one in which the driver shot JFK.
(by the late William
Cooper), and apparently nobody noticed. He must have been one Hell of
a marksman. The theory involves the Illuminati, UFO's, and the
coming Ice Age, among other things. JFK was killed on orders of the
Illuminati because he was about to reveal aliens were taking over the
>JFK was killed by a cabal of far Right leaning homosexuals, Lyndon
Johnson, and Richard Nixon. (Oliver
>JFK was killed by the Mafia, and so was RFK (Joseph
Traficanti in Double Cross).
>JFK was killed by Fidel Castro.
>JFK was a Wiccan and was killed by as part of an ancient
Wiccan/Pagan human sacrifice rite that slays the king. (A few
the 1970's believed this, later repeated by Illuminati nuts).
> JFK was the
Messiah and will return someday. (There is actually a cult called
the Church of JFK that believes this).
>The Zapruder film is entirely fake...even though it supposedly
contradicts the findings of the Warren Commission. (Jim Fetzer)
>JFK was killed by the industrial-military complex because he wanted
to end the Vietnam war [even though it actually escalated under JFK!].
JFK faked his own death and John Todd was the personal warlock for the
Kennedy clan. (Lunatic, rapist, and "ex-Illuminati Grand Druid" John
Beatles were designed and sent to the U.S. by the British Psychological
Warfare Division, to undermine the morals of American teenagers.
>Paul McCartney was killed in the 1960's in a car accident. The
remaining Beatles covered up his death, hired a
look-a-like/sound-a-like to take his place, and then for some damned
peppered their songs and album covers with clues that any hippy high on
drugs could find (urban legend).
>The Beatles used a magical device called "The Glass Onion" to try
to resurrect Paul McCartney from the dead, but it failed. It was the
the song Glass Onion on The White Album (urban legend).
[And of course, HES NOT DEAD!]
>John Lennon didn't die in the assassination attempt on his life by
Mark David Chapman, but was left severely brain damaged, so Yoko Ono
quietly put him in a nursing home to spare him public humiliation, and
faked his death. (National Examiner).
>Horror novel machine Stephen King actually killed John Lennon.
Crucifixion was staged. He drugged himself, and was later
resuscitated by the disciples. He practiced this trick first on
Lazarus to make sure it would work. (Hugh Schonfield in The
>Christ eloped with Mary Magdalene, and one or both of them fled to
France to raise their family. Their descendent's became the Royal
families of Europe. (Baigent/Leigh/Lincoln Holy Blood, Holy Grail and Dan
Brown in The DaVinci Code)
>Christ and his disciples were a magic-mushroom cult. (John Allegro
in The Sacred Mushroom and The Cross)
>Christ was a Wiccan High Priest, the 12 disciples were his coven,
and Mary Madelene was his High Priestess (King Jesus).
>Jesus Christ was really a vampire. (Blake Ford Hall)
>Jesus did not die on the Cross, because his son, Judas, took his
place. He retired to Cumran. One day he was shocked to hear Paul of
Tarsus telling a greatly exaggerated and distorted tale of his life.
>74 billion years ago the super evil intergalactic overlord Xenu
used a film to brainwash our souls ("Thetans") into believing Jesus
died on the cross. Xenu invented all the world's religions.
(Scientology OT III teachings)
>Jesus and The 12 disciples were all homosexuals (Uban Legend
repeated by gay Episocpal Bishop V. Gene Robinson).
>The lance that pierced Christ's side was also the same spear that
Saul hurled at David. Whoever owned the spear could rule the world.
Hitler supposedly was obsessed by the spear, as was Gen. Patton. (The
Spear of Destiny) [Even
though Austria has had the spear for the last 60 some odd years, they
don't rule the world.]
was created in a lab by the CIA in the 1980's to kill off
drug addicts, hispanics, blacks, and gays. [William Cooper, and also
the KGB. You could make a conspiracy theory out of that alone!]
>HIV does not actually cause AIDS. [Even though it does]
>HIV was actually created with a computer...which I guess makes it a
literal computer virus.
never landed on the moon. It's not even possible! The moon landing was
faked on a Hollywood soundsatge.
>There is an alien base on the moon the government won't reveal.
>The US government has a secret moon base which people see in
>NASA is completely aware of aliens but covers up there
existence...even though they'd get all the funding they'd ever need if
they would reveal it. UFOs crashed in 1949 at Roswell New Mexico. [To
be fair, the government brought that one on itself. A high altitude spy
balloon crashed at Roswell, and a cheese stick Luetinent stupidly put
out a cover story that it was a UFO without thinking it through].
>The doomed Franklin Expedition was sent to the Arctic not only to
find the Northwest Passage, but to secretly investigate UFO sightings
that had been reported since the 1700s. The men were
captured, experimented upon, and eaten by giant aliens. (Jeffrey Blair
>UFO aliens are actually Demons.(The Day The Dollar Died) In
order to become material beings instead of spirits, the Demons lost
their magic powers and now have to fly in spaceships.(Later addition by
Bill Shnoebellen, who claims he is an ex-Mormon, ex-Wiccan,
ex-Satanist, ex-Rosicrucian, ex-Vampire, ex-Roman Catholic Bishop,
ex-Illuminati member, ex-O.T.O. member, ex-97th degree Mason, who
experimented with "Gay Nazi Sex Magic" and says werewolves are real.)
World War II,
Hitler, and The Nazis
was staged. It never really happened. The Illuminati employed elaborate
special effects, stage magic, and phony journalism to scare the world
into pacifism. (Donald Holmes) I guess my dad and thousands of other
Americans just imagined going to Europe and getting shot at by Nazis,
>Hitler was still alive in Montana in 1997, and Josef Mengele is
keeping himself alive and youthful with a regimen of hormones and
>Hitler went to Cuba via vintage German U-Boat in the 1980s and
proposed taking over the world together with Castro. (National
>The Holocaust never happened (according to Neo-Nazis) despite
thousands of eye-witnesses, concentration camp survivors, allied
soldiers who liberated the camps, photographs, movies, and written
documentation made by the Nazis themselves, forensic evidence, and
millions of people who went missing.
>The Nazis built UFOs. Hitler and the Nazis escaped in one and built
a secret base at the South Pole.
>Adolph Hitler was really a Jew. In some versions of the story, he
is the illegitimate son of Baron Rothschild. Hitler's mother was
Rothchild's house keeper, and they had an affair. (Actually, Hitler's
mother never worked for the Rothchilds). The Holocaust was just a way
for the Jews to weed out the unfit, in this theory.
>Hitler and some associates escaped to the Arctic in a submarine, to
live with super-advanced aliens who reside within the hollow earth.
(This story originated with Edward Bulwer-Lytton's novel The Coming
Race, was treated as fact by the pre-Nazi Vril Society, was bolstered
by the forged "secret diary" of Admiral Byrd, and was adopted by the
likes of Ernst Zundel)
>Josef Mengele was the real Zodiac Killer, the Boston Strangler(s),
and even the anthrax letter mailer of 2001. [Mengle actually died in 1979 in
>Aleister Crowley was a British Secret agent during WWII. His
handler was Ian Flemming [actually Crowley really did write to the
British government offering his services as a spy. They basically told
Crolwey to get lost. He was never a spy].
The Bush Family
H.W. Bush was really George Scherff Sr., a Nazi sent to
destroy America as a teenager and adopted by Prescott Bush (Scherff was
also an assistant to Nikola Tesla, and stole all Tesla's inventions
after he was murdered by Otto Skorzeny and Reinhard Gehlen).
>George Bush was a CIA agent who participated in the JFK
>John Hinkley Jr. was a life long friend of the Bushes, and was
secretly sent by them to try to assassinate President Ronald Reagan.
>The children's book Curious George was inspired by a young George
Bush Sr. That's probably why Alan J. Shalleck, creator of Curious
George, was murdered by two men he met through a gay sex network one
day before the movie premiered. This information comes from a man named
Eric Berman, who claims he heard it straight from his girlfriend's dad,
Otto Skorzeny, in Florida during the late 1990s. [Skorzeny actually
died in Madrid, Spain in 1975].
>Jeb Bush rigged the 2000 election with the "Butterfly Ballots" so
brother Gorge H.W.Bush Jr. could win [believed by everybody who hates
though the ballot was
designed during the adminstration of Florida Gov. Lawton Childs, a
Democrat, and most of the Supervisors of Elections in Florida counties
were appointed by Childs!
>George Bush was behind 9-11. The plane everyone saw crash into the
Pentagon was really a missle.
>No, Dick Cheney was really behind 9-11. Bush was just a dupe.
The planes crashing into the buildings seen by thousands of
people didn't really bring the structures down, it was blown up with
Rock and Roll
and Roll was created by Blacks using Voodoo rythyms to brainwash white
teenagers. It's all part of their goal of race mixing (KKK in the
1950's. This idea was later recycled into a less racist version by
"Christian" comic book publisher and conspiracy monger Jack Chick).
>Rock records have "subliminal" messages that can only be heard when
you play them backwards (even though subliminal messages don't work
Elizabeth I was really a man. The real Elizabeth died as a
>The British Royal Family had a horribly deformed male relative they
hid from the world in a Glamis Castle in Scotland, known as "The
Mosnter of Glamis". He was said to have lived
to be well over 100; from the late 1700's into the early 20th century.
The late Queen Mum
(Elizabeth I) almost discovered him as a child. (FATE Magazine). When
he died his rooms were bricked in. In some versions of the story, a
vampire is born every century into the family and bricked in a room in
the castle. Still other versions of the story have the monster living
by a nearby Loch.
>Prince Eddy, Duke of Clarence, faked his death to move to Austria
and became Adolph Hitler.
>No, Prince Eddy, Duke of Clarence (and/or Freemasons acting on his
behalf) was Jack the Ripper.
>If you combine the two above theories (i.e., Prince Eddy murdered women as Jack
The Ripper, faked
his death, resurfaced as Adolph Hitler) then Jack the Ripper was
>The Royal Families of Europe all belong to a Satanic Pedophile cult
that the late Top of The Pops
perv-o Jimmy Sayville and all the world's leaders also supposedly
belonged to. For sport they hunt down nude teenagers in a "Most
Dangerous Game" type deal, rape them, kill them, and then cut off their
genitals and keep them as souvineris (Daniel Townsey).
>The Royal Family is directly descended from the Biblicial King
David of Israel, and Celts are really Israelites, thus the
British Commonwealth and the USA (for some reason) fulfill all the
Biblical prophecies about Israel. The Royals supposedly know all this,
quiet about it (Armstrong cults, Christian Identity groups, British
>Queen Elizabeth had former Princess of Wales Diana assassinated to
prevent her from giving birth to a Muslim rival
...Jodi Fahid's baby...to the throne (British tabloids,
>The 1939 War of the Worlds radio broadcoast was a psychological
warfare study funded by C.D. Jackson on behalf of the Rockefeller
Foundation, designed to find out how Americans would react to an enemy
in a trailer for his mockumentary F is for Fake, Orson Welles did say
the WoW broadcast had "secret sponsors".
Conspiracy Theories about The Jews
drink the blood and eat the flesh of Gentile children during
Passover (from the Middle Ages). This is known as the "Blood Libel"
myth. Some Catholics still
revere the relics of Medieval child
saints supposedly slaughtered and devoured by Jews. William of Norwich,
Little Saint Hugh of Lincoln, Simon of Trent became objects of local
cults and veneration, and in some cases were added to the General Roman
Calendar, even though lacking official canonization in the Roman
Catholic Church. Gavriil Belostoksky, was canonized by the Russian
Orthodox Church. [ Now, it kind of
makes you re-think why the new Pope might really support the
Palestininans, now doesn't it?]
> Modern day Jews secretly practice human sacrifice (Harrel Rhome).
>Jesuits sank the Titanic to kill some of the world's richest, most
powerful Jews.(Vatican Assassin Archive, et al)
>Jews run all the banks of the world (believed by all
anti-Semites)...well, except for the banks in
every Muslim country, North Korea, Mongolia, China, The Bank of
America (CEO Brian Moynihan, an Irish-American Roman Catholic), etc.,
but why let the truth get in the way?
>The Jews were really behind 9-11 to make Muslims look bad. The Jews
that worked at the WTC were called the day before and warned not to go
>Israel trained sharks to attack Muslims bathing in the Red Sea
>The Jews created Christianity to control the world (Adolph Hitler,
modern day Odinists). Apparently the Jews should have told Christians
to not instigate Pograms and The Inquisition, and so forth.
>The Rothchilds, Europe's only Jewish Nobility, have created every
war in Europe, including WW2. They secretly run everything. This
addition from lunatic John Todd: The Rothchild's are really Satanists.
There are hooks on the chimneys at the Rothschild estate in London
where witches hang their brooms when they fly in.
>The plans for Jews to take over the world in the 19th century were
leaked in a document called The
Protocols of The Learned Elders of
Zion. [It was actually written by the chief of the Russian
secret police to discredit his enemies. Even though debunked long ago
as a hoax, the book is still held as gospel for anti-Semites.]
World Order Conspiracy Theories
International Airport was built expressly to conceal a vast underground
complex, headquarters of the New World Order elite. Clues are hidden in
the airport's peace-themed mural [why do these people go to all the
trouble to create these super secret conspiracies and then leave
"clues" all over the place for some goober to find???].
United States, Canada, and Mexico will be joined into one country
called "The North American Union". The currency will be called "The
Aero". The European Union was just an experiment (apparently by the
Illuminati or Bildebergers) to see if
it would work. (Phylis
Shaffley, Lionel Hollins). It was supposed to have happened "no later
than 2008", (even though 2008 and came and went believers insist it
will still happen any day now!).
are actually living in the 1700s. The early Middle Ages (614-911 A.D.)
never occurred. Everything that supposedly happened during those years
was either a misunderstanding, an event from a different era, or an
outright lie (Herbert Illig's phantom time hypothesis). Charlemagne,
for instance, is a fictional figure...and since I'm a descendant of
Charlemagne, I must be too, then. [YIKES! I'M NOT REAL! THE CONSPIRACY
NUTS/OCCULT CROWD FINALLY FIGURED OUT A WAY TO STOP ME! lol Just
kidding. I'm real. So were the Middle Ages]
>Shortly before he left office, Bill Clinton secretly signed into
law the National Economic Security and Reformation Act (NESARA). This
act would have completely restructured the U.S. government by - among
other things - forgiving all personal credit card debt and mortgages,
abolishing the IRS, restoring constitutional law, and somehow ensuring
world peace - but the Supreme Court placed a gag order on it, and
threatened death to any government official who breathed word of its
existence. NESARA activists around the world are agitating to get the
act announced and instituted.
>Aspartame, fluoride, genetically modified foods, and vaccines are
used specifically to keep us sick and open to suggestion, and/or as
part of a secret depopulation plan designed by the world's elite (John
>Jeffrey Dahmer was an actor hired by the Ambrosia Chocolate company
to pose as a cannibal killer so no one would object to the factory
being torn down and another one built with illegal tax breaks. I guess
Dahmer should have reveled the whole thing was a hoax before he got
sent to prison and killed by another inmate.
>The Sandy Hook School shooting was staged. It was all an elaborate
hoax by the NWO people to take our guns away. The grieving
families were just Hollywood actors. (From WellAware1, a website owned
by a lunatic that claims all politicians, government officials,
historic figures, celebrities, and other people featured in
media-covered events are actually imposters portrayed by actors! The
site maintains that Adolf Hitler and Walt Disney were both
"pseudo-persons" played by Kermit Roosevelt, son of U.S. president
Teddy Roosevelt. Even some low information humans who believe every
theory have to preface this pants soiling insane garbae with the
disclaimer: "Um, this guy has some stuff on his website
I don't really believe")
>In the 1970's, The CIA sent a pair of agents (who were husband and
discover which church was the only true church...apparently the Cold
War wasn't keeping them busy enough. It turned out to be the true
was the Mormons! The government allowed the couple to remain in the LDS
church. (Urban legend circulated throughout LDS circles in the 70's and
80's, and probably even now)
About White People by Militant Blacks
people were created in a lab by an evil Black scientist
who lived on the Moon millions of years ago. (Nation of Islam)
>Atlanta child murder theories: Victims were used for CDC research
into Interferon; KKK Klansmen posed as cops to wipe out young black men
scientists needed the black boys' foreskins killed in the Atlanta Child
Murders to produce
a cure for cancer and/or a youth serum. (Dick Gregory again. Jesus
Hopscotching Christ, Dick Gregory, what the Hell have you been
>The US government blew up the levees in New Orleans with dynamite
kill blacks. It wasn't Hurricane Katrina (Louis Farrakhan)
>Church's Fried Chicken was really owned by the KKK. Their chicken
is laced with chemicals to secretly sterilize Black men. In some
versions of the story, the
government laced the chicken with chemicals to sterilize Black men
>The U.S. Government plans to someday kill 22 million Blacks in
concentration camps in a plan called "The King Alfred Plan". The plans
can be read in the Library of Congress; executive orders 11490, 11921,
12148 (Elijah Grant). In earlier versions of the story, the
government had a secret concentration camp in the
everglades where they send Blacks (urban legend).
real secret society created in Bavaria 1776. It's goals were to take
over the world and eliminate religion. It failed, was discovered and
banned by the Bavarian government, and it hasn't existed since the 18th
century. End of story. Nevertheless, the legend lives on!]
>The Illuminati secretly runs everything and is trying to take over
the world [which seems pointless if it runs everything].
>The Illuminati is using Rock music to get teenagers into witchcraft
(John Todd scare of the 1970's. Todd was later convicted of rape in the
>The super rich Illuminati is using the Federal Reserve to bankrupt
the world. Then the Illuminati will be super duper rich, because only
their money will be worth anything![...for some reason]
>Several pop stars are alleged to be in the Illuminati, simply
because they mention it in their songs. Some conspiracy nuts simply
imagine "symbolism" in music videos to be "clues" to Illuminati
membership. Britney Spears' Work
Bitch video has "cube shaped images" which are "symbolism of
Saturn worship" and circle images which are linked to "goddess worship"
(even though the Illuminati were atheists, not goddess worshipers, but
hey). And don't forget triangles/pyramids are also supposedly
associated with the
Illuminati. So basically any freaking shape is Illuminati, and anyone
with geometric shapes is an illuminati member! Katy Perry made a "kid
friendly Illuminati video" with Dark
Horse. Niki Minaj, when not
getting into bitch fights with Mariah Carry, is also said to be a
Below: Not-so-kid-friendly video loop from Katy Perry's California Girls music video. OK,
so apparently the
Illuminati's super secret evil plan to take over the world this time
will involve hot girls with huge boobs who squirt whip cream all
over...WAIT, WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT??? OF COURSE THAT WILL
WORK! OK ILLUMINATI, I SURRENDER! YOU WIN!
ALL HAIL OUR NEW QUEEN! KNEEL TREMBLING
>Jimmy Carter is the Anti-Christ. Armageddon will happen in 1979.
(John Todd again. )
>Joseph Stalin and Adolph Hitler were both members of the
Illuminati...even though they tried to destroy each other in WWII.
Jesuits ordered the assassination of Abraham Lincoln (Charles
Chiniqy)...even though John Wilkes Booth was Episcopalian.
Jesuits started World War I, World War II, and The Vietnam war. (Jack
>The Roman Catholic Church created Islam. Right. Apparently
it needed something that would try to wipe the Catholic Church out
completely. The assassination attempt on Pope
John Paul by a Muslim was actually staged to gain sympathy from
>Jehovah's Witnesses are really the creation of the Roman Catholic
Church and answer to the Jesuits. (Alberto Rivera)
>The Roman Catholic Church isn't really Christianity. It's actually
based on Ba'al/Sun Worship. (Hyslop) [Apparently he never realized that
would mean all Protestant Churches are Ba'al worshipers too].
>The Vatican has the names of every Protestant on file. There are
miles and miles of tunnels under the Vatican just for this
purpose. It's being done in preparedness for another inquisition
>The Holocaust was done as a new Inquisition, carried out by secret
sealed orders from the Pope to Adolph Hitler, Mussolini, and Franco.
>The biggest collection of pornography in the world is said to be
housed in the Vatican! (Anton LaVey)
>Uncommon Sense Media is really a source of "Disinfo" to cover up
what the Illuminati is really doing (from an email from a conspiracy
>The owner is probably really "some kind of Freemason" and is
apparently lying about it (a guy on Yahoo Answers).
>This website is just a money making scam. It's all lies (From
Wiccans, Satanists, et al, who sent emails). [For running a "money
making scam", I really suck at it, since I probably lose a couple
hundred bucks a year on this.)
>The owner of this website helped Micheal Jackson fake his death.
The clues are: The website mentions Father Alberto Moreno and if you
look on the Thriller video, "Moreno" is on one of the tombstones.
(from an online conspiracy forum) That's it. That's all it takes to be
part of a conspiracy. lol
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