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A SKEPITCAL LOOK  AT  FAMOUS OCCULTISTS 
by The Notorious Doctor Zoom Zoom
 

 ABRA-MELIN THE MAGE

[ INVENTED CIRCA 1750 A.D.] 

    Abra-Melin was supposedly an Egyptian mystic who  instructed a certain "Abraham The Jew" in the ways  of sorcery.  Abraham the Jew supposedly  entertained the kings of Europe  with feats of  magic, suggesting he was merely a stage  magician, not someone who could perform actual miracles.

     This “Abraham the Jew” allegedly entertained the kings of Europe with feats of magic, which would mean he was merely a stage magician, albeit a successful one.  Abraham The Jew supposedly was the David Copperfield of his day, having performed before the heads of Europe, including King Henry the VIII, and the Pope, but there are no records of any of this. In fact, there doesn't seem to be any record of either him or his teacher Abra-Melin prior to the book The Sacred Magic of Abra-Melin The Mage, so it seems they are both which could be politely described as “literary inventions”...or as “a big load of pig poop”, to be less polite. It's a good thing I'm polite. 

    The Sacred Magic of Abramelin The Mage ...claims to have been translated directly from  Hebrew, although scholars doubt this completely.  The book supposedly dates from the 12th century,  but appears to have been written in the 18th century by a Frenchman, judging from the handwriting style and grammatical errors! It’s a common trick among occultists to claim an occult book is centuries older than it actually is. The same trick  was used with The Sixth and Seventh Books of Moses and the various Key Of Solomon books, among others.

     In the book, Abraham supposedly travels the world and studies magic and meets a mysterious Egyptian mystic named Abra-Melin who gives him the ultimate secrets. The story of traveling around the world and into the Middle East to study the occult sounds similar to that of the  Christian Rozenkrutz legend, and must have been a popular theme among occult legends of the day.  The book’s system of magic isn’t Egyptian at all, and appears to be European Ceremonial magic.  A lone Westerner traveling throughout Muslim lands in that era would have been even more dangerous and unlikely than it even is today. The book’s system of magic isn’t Egyptian at all, and is just European Ceremonial magic (well, it really isn't even “magic” either, but you know what I mean). 

The book instructs the reader to basically live like a monk for a year, with lots of prayers and devotions, to remain in the faith they were raised in, and devote at least one room of their home to "the great work", complete with an altar. After a year of living super-duper holy and stuff, if the magician did everything right, he then can meet and converse with his “Holy Guardian Angel”. Now, you might think that only somebody extra mega pious like Mother Theresa would be capable of doing all this...but then the book next claims to give the invocations for the demons Satan, Lucifer, Belial, and Leviathan, and the rest of the book is about obtaining worldly power and material things. The whole thing is obviously just black magic under a thin veil. That's one heck of a plot twist! Even O. Henry or M. Night Shyamalan couldn't have come up with that one! 

Most occultists don't bother to go through all the strict requirements for contacting their Holy Guardian Angel, and instead use the various seals throughout the book like talismans (lucky charms), not unlike occultists also do with The Sixth and Seventh Books of Moses, The Greater Key of Solomon, and similar grimories. 

    Occult book author Lewis De Claremont plagiarized the seal portions of Abra-Melin for his book The Ten Lost Books of The Prophets: Moses, Solomon and Jesus of Nazareth. If you're going to steal material, you might as well go all out and claim Biblical figures are behind it, I suppose.

    The seals are just squares divided into compartments with letters in them. The anonymous Frenchman who is now lost to history who created the book would have probably fainted if he had ever seen a crossword puzzle. 

This seal above, for example, is said to turn men into jackasses. 

Blinky The Baphomet Says "This website really cracks me up. Really."

Blinky the Baphomet says, 

 "Someone must keep secretly slipping one of those things into Doctor Zoom Zoom's  pocket when he drinks schnapps at parties, in that case. Don't ask about the Hallowe'en party of 2012!"

    And there are other similar "magic" seals claiming to make the sorcerer capable of walking and operating under water (under, not on, mind you!), opening any kind of lock (for purely law abiding reasons, no doubt), to fly through the air, to create as much gold and silver as you want, to cause any kind of music to be played (handy if you lose your MP3 player), to cause armed men to appear (hopefully they'll be on the magician's side!) for “Comedies, farces, and operas” (apparently Broadway tickets prices were outrageous even back then) and of course, to make one invisible. There is also a seal to cause visions, but I imagine people who claim the book actually works already have that ability...it's called schizophrenia.


    Abra-Melin magic was a popular form of “magic” with Aleister Crowley, who claimed he used the book to contact his “Holy Guardian Angel”, named “Aiwass” which dictated Liber Al Vel Legis and other occult scriptures to him. Crowley died a penniless drug addict, riddled with VD, and this alone should convince most people it doesn’t work! Well, that should be enough. The Sacred Magic of Abra-Melin is still in print and doesn't seem to be going out of print any time soon. "

    So if you want to learn REAL magic, get that book! You'll be amazed at how quickly your money disappears and you get a worthless superstitious pile of garbage in it's place!

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