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6-21-2014 How Would General Douglas MacArthur have Dealt With Jihadist Islam?

    Unless your TV set, radio, smart phone, or computer is broken, you know what's going on in Iraq right now. Vladimir Putin asked the United States the question, "How did you get in the position where you're basically on the same side as the terrorists who blew up the World Trade Center?" How indeed!

    We conquered Iraq, we occupied Iraq, we captured Saddam Hussein and killed his two butt-hole sons before we made sure he was hung, and then we rebuilt the country...the way we always do when we kick the cream-cheese out of a country...and now we're $18 trillion in debt and people that make Al-Qaida say "Damn, them boys are cray cray!" are now in charge of Iraq!  They even  photo shopped the  picture of First Lady Michelle "I hate fat children!" Obama  holding  up the sigh that says #bringbackourgirls to read #bringbackourhumvees. Seriously, that's not a joke. OUCH! Those guys know how to rub it in! That's like something I would have thought of doing! So now we're back to square one, we'll soon be seeing the price of gas go up to $4/gallon because they have all the oil , and we've even been schooled on Twitter!

So What Happened???

    I can't help but think back to WW2 and how MacArthur handled Japan and how we should have handled Iraq. You see, Japan has several religions, but the official state religion was Shintoism. Shinto centers around a sun goddess, and used to believe the Emperor of Japan was a living god...and that part was the source of most of our problems. Japanese were raised to believe if they died in battle they would go straight to heaven (sound familiar?). Notice I wrote "used to believe the Emperor of Japan was a god". As in, “They no longer do that because they stopped”. So what happened?

    We had basically the same scenario with Japan as we did with Iraq. We conquered them, we occupied them, and rebuilt their country! The difference was, MacArthur was no fool. MacArthur, realizing we'd go through this again someday if things didn't change, so directive SCAPIN 448, known as "The Shinto Directive", was created. This directive made sure the type of Shintoism that had been practiced for hundred of years prior to 1945 was outlawed by the occupied Japanese Government, which means IT WAS OUTLAWED FOR THE NATION OF JAPAN BY THE UNITED STATES! That's right, we basically  told them, "Look, you can have your Shintoism, but not the part about where the Emperor is god and all that bull crap. Nope. That's over. "

    And you know what...IT ACTUALLY WORKED! If you just use common sense and force people NOT to practice crazy religions that want to kill freaking works!
MacArthur forced Emperor Hirohito to sign a document stating he wasn't a god. And since he really wasn't a god... well, he didn't have any effing choice! He was then forced to go on Japanese radio and state he wasn't a god. The Japanese were aghast! Then, he was forced to tour the country of Japan and shake hands with people, which stunned the Japanese people even further!  They couldn't believe the Emperor...the guy they had been crashing planes into ships for (again, sound familiar?)...wasn't a god! And then chances are he bent Hirohito's mom over and did her right in front of him, because he was General Douglas Goddamn MacArthur!

Chances are he's smoking Hitler's cremated remains in that pipe while he thinks of new ways to humiliate Hirohito.

    Now some people will read that and think, "Well, what kind of crazy Draconian nonsense is it that inspired that?" Well believe it or not...a thing called The U.S. Constitution.  Yes, that pesky document that both Republicans and Democrats hate! It was nothing but plain old separation of Church and State! Directive SCAPIN 448  made sure neither Shinto shrines nor Shinto priests were  supported by public funds. Shinto doctrine was removed from textbooks, and Shintoism (or any other religion) was banned from promoting militaristic and ultra nationalistic ideology. Unfortunately, Bush and Obama did nothing to create secular states in Afghanistan, Iraq, or Libya.     

    Now suppose instead of allowing Muslims of the countries we conquered a few years ago to simply continue in their pants soiling insane religion, we had actually forced them to have separation of Church and State. Can you imagine if we had tried such blatant common sense today???
The ACLU would have parachuted into Baghdad and demanded people be given back their rights! Yes...their rights to repress their women and have their men be suicide bombers! The Left, Libertarians, and the plain stupid are basically saying,  "Oh sure, we could implement a directive to stop Jihadist Islam, and then young girls genitals wouldn't be mutilated in the name of "female circumcision", Sunni's and Shia's wouldn't be slaughtering one another, women would be allowed to drive, go to college, read and write and stuff if we forced them to stop being nutso Muslims...but who wants to see all that happen???"

     We should have made everyone convert to something like Sufism (that way it wouldn't be a battle of Sunni vs. Shia). Then we should have forced them all to say "Jihad isn't about killing people, it's really about the inner struggle of overcome evil within yourself" know, the same New Age Hippie bull crap that 
American Muslims and stupid liberals (and they're not all stupid, smart liberals get it)  always say when some Muslims kill a lot of Americans in the name of Jihad while screaming "Allhu Akbar!". No more Shi'a and Sunn'i...we  should have outlawed both.

I can't help it, but when I hear "Shi'a and Sunn'i are at war", I think of this image!

    Then we make them eat, not Canadian bacon or English Bacon (it's just really ham), give them AMERICAN FREAKING BACON! Once they get a taste of that...well, just picture it: Muhammad Ali Muhammad in Kandahar and his family (all named Muhammad) are sitting down to the devil's breakfast of bacon and eggs. He's dreading it...but there are Americans with M-16's pointed right at their heads, and they don't want to meet Allah just yet. But then...he takes a bite...and to his amazement, it's the best thing he's ever eaten! He realizes the Koran is a pile of steaming camel crap and decides blowing himself up may not be the best career option after all! We could have taken all their Korans and burned them, and then give them edited Korans with all the verses of Violence taken out. OK, the book will probably be 3 about pages long, but oh well.

    OK, now I'm getting a little facetious now, but you get the idea. Why don't we have the same common sense today we had back in 1945? Oh, and some of you might say, "But the Afghanis and Iraqis would hate us for doing that!" Really? Unlike how they love and respect us now? Yeah, we can't have Muslims hating us!
Why, they might celebrate when stuff like 9-11 happens if they hated us. Oh wait, they did. Go figure.

    Let's see how forcing our enemies to stop practicing their crazy religion worked when MacArthur did it to the Japanese: The Japanese hated General MacArthur so much they actually begged him to become their President! There are streets named after him in Japan. They became our biggest trading partner for decades and an ally in the Cold War. Oh yeah, Japan really hated him for making them see their Emperor was just a man and they didn't have to kill themselves for him.
Japanese Christians hated being able to worship above ground without being killed for the first time in 400 years (are you seeing some kind of similarities here????) and Japanese  women hated it when they were allowed to vote and drive cars when they previously hadn't under the old system (AGAIN...DOES ANY OF THAT SOUND FAMILIAR???), .

So stick all that in your Funk and Wagnall!

The moral of the story...when you conquer a country, you can make them do whatever you want! In fact, you can force them to stop being part of a violent, psychopathic, mysogynistic, anachronistic religion...JUST BECAUSE IT'S THE SANE THING TO DO!

And I'm sure our current President will make Afghanistan and Iraq stop being Jihadist Muslims right away. Oh yeah. Right.


Never mind. I guess we're screwed.

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