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A Quick Look At Some Pants Soiling Insane Conspiracy Theories And Urban Legends

Britney Spears wearing tin foil hat in restricted UFO area


Some people believe in remarkably stupid things. Here is a quick look at some of the nuttiest conspiracy theories and urban legends around...and this is only a very small sample! Since there's so many, we'll just dive right in.  Enjoy. 


>JFK was killed by a cabal of far Right leaning homosexuals, Lyndon Johnson, and Richard Nixon. (Oliver Stone) 

>JFK was killed by the Mafia, and so was RFK (Joseph Traficanti  in Double Cross). 

>JFK was killed by Fidel Castro.

>JFK was a Wiccan and was killed by as part of an ancient  Wiccan/Pagan human sacrifice rite that slays the king. (A few Wiccans in the 1970's believed this, later repeated by Illuminati nuts). 

> JFK was the Messiah and will return someday. (T
here is actually a cult called The Church of JFK that believes this). 

>The Zapruder film is entirely fake...even though it supposedly contradicts the findings of the Warren Commission. (Jim Fetzer)

>JFK was killed by the industrial-military complex because he wanted to end the Vietnam war [even though it actually escalated under JFK!].

> JFK faked his own death and John Todd was the personal warlock for the Kennedy clan. (Lunatic, rapist, and "ex-Illuminati Grand Druid" John Todd)

>The most complicated theory is one in which the driver shot JFK. (by the late William Cooper), and apparently nobody noticed. He must have been one Hell of a  marksman. The theory involves the Illuminati, UFO's, and the coming Ice Age, among other things. JFK was killed on orders of the Illuminati because he was about to reveal aliens were taking over the Earth. 

The Beatles

>The Beatles were designed and sent to the U.S. by the British Psychological Warfare Division, to undermine the morals of American teenagers. (Lyndon LaRouche) 

>Paul McCartney was killed in the 1960's in a car accident. The remaining Beatles covered up his death, hired a look-a-like/sound-a-like to take his place, and then for some damned reason peppered their songs and album covers with clues that any hippy high on drugs could find (urban legend). 

>The Beatles used a magical device called "The Glass Onion" to try to resurrect Paul McCartney from the dead, but it failed. It was the inspiration for the song Glass Onion on The White Album (urban legend). [And of course, HES NOT DEAD!]

>John Lennon didn't die in the assassination attempt on his life by Mark David Chapman, but was left severely brain damaged, so Yoko Ono quietly put him in a nursing home to spare him public humiliation, and faked his death. (National Examiner). 

>Horror novel machine Stephen King actually killed John Lennon. (Steve Lightfoot)

Jesus Christ

>Christ's Crucifixion was staged. He drugged himself, and was later resuscitated by the disciples. He practiced this trick first on Lazarus to make sure it would work. (Hugh Schonfield in The Passover Plot) 

>Christ eloped with Mary Magdalene, and one or both of them fled to France to raise their family. Their descendent's became the Royal families of Europe. (Baigent/Leigh/Lincoln Holy Blood, Holy Grail and Dan Brown inThe DaVinci Code)

>Christ and his disciples were a magic-mushroom cult. (John Allegro inThe Sacred Mushroom and The Cross)

>Christ was a Wiccan High Priest, the 12 disciples were his coven, and Mary Madelene was his High Priestess (King Jesus).

>Jesus Christ was really a vampire. (Blake Ford Hall)

>Jesus did not die on the Cross, because his son, Judas, took his place. He retired to Cumran. One day he was shocked to hear Paul of Tarsus telling a greatly exaggerated and distorted tale of his life. (AMORC)

>74 billion years ago the super evil intergalactic overlord Xenu used a film to brainwash our souls ("Thetans") into believing Jesus died on the cross. Xenu invented all the world's religions.  (Scientology  OT III teachings) 

>Jesus and The 12 disciples were all homosexuals (Uban Legend repeated by gay Episocpal Bishop V. Gene Robinson).

>The lance that pierced Christ's side was also the same spear that Saul hurled at David. Whoever owned the spear could rule the world. Hitler supposedly was obsessed by the spear, as was Gen. Patton. (The Spear of Destiny) [Even though Austria has had the spear for the last 60 some odd years, they don't rule the world.]


>HIV/AIDS was created in a lab by the CIA in the 1980's to kill off drug addicts, hispanics, blacks, and gays. [William Cooper, and also the KGB. You could make a conspiracy theory out of that alone!]

>HIV does not actually cause AIDS. [Even though it does]

>HIV was actually created with a computer...which I guess makes it aliteral computer virus.


>Man never landed on the moon. It's not even possible! The moon landing was faked on a Hollywood soundsatge. 

>There is an alien base on the moon the government won't reveal. 

>The US Government has a secret moon base which people see in telescopes. 

>NASA is completely aware of aliens but covers up there existence...even though they'd get all the funding they'd ever need if they would reveal it. UFOs crashed in 1949 at Roswell New Mexico. [To be fair, the government brought that one on itself. A high altitude spy balloon crashed at Roswell, and a cheese stick Luetinent stupidly put out a cover story that it was a UFO without thinking it through]. 

>The doomed Franklin Expedition was sent to the Arctic not only to find the Northwest Passage, but to secretly investigate UFO sightings that had been reported since the 1700s. The men were 
captured, experimented upon, and eaten by giant aliens. (Jeffrey Blair Latta)

>UFO aliens are actually Demons.(The Day The Dollar Died)  In order to become material beings instead of spirits, the Demons lost their magic powers and now have to fly in spaceships.(Later addition by Bill Shnoebellen, who claims he is an ex-Mormon, ex-Wiccan, ex-Satanist, ex-Rosicrucian, ex-Vampire, ex-Roman Catholic Bishop, ex-Illuminati member, ex-O.T.O. member, ex-97th degree Mason, who experimented with "Gay Nazi Sex Magic" and says werewolves are real.)

World War II, Hitler, and The Nazis

>WWII was staged. It never really happened. The Illuminati employed elaborate special effects, stage magic, and phony journalism to scare the world into pacifism. (Donald Holmes) I guess my dad and thousands of other Americans just imagined going to Europe and getting shot at by Nazis, or something.

>Hitler was still alive in Montana in 1997, and Josef Mengele is keeping himself alive and youthful with a regimen of hormones and cannibalism!

>Hitler went to Cuba via vintage German U-Boat in the 1980s and proposed taking over the world together 
with Castro. (National Examiner).

>The Holocaust never happened (according to Neo-Nazis) despite thousands of eye-witnesses, concentration camp survivors, allied soldiers who liberated the camps, photographs, movies, and written documentation made by the Nazis themselves, forensic evidence, and millions of people who went missing. 

>The Nazis built UFOs. Hitler and the Nazis escaped in one and built a secret base at the South Pole.

>Adolph Hitler was really a Jew. In some versions of the story, he is the illegitimate son of Baron Rothschild. Hitler's mother was Rothchild's house keeper, and they had an affair. (Actually, Hitler's mother never worked for the Rothchilds). The Holocaust was just a way for the Jews to weed out the unfit, in this theory. 

>Hitler and some associates escaped to the Arctic in a submarine, to live with super-advanced aliens who reside within the hollow earth. (This story originated with Edward Bulwer-Lytton's novel The Coming Race, was treated as fact by the pre-Nazi Vril Society, was bolstered by the forged "secret diary" of Admiral Byrd, and was adopted by the likes of Ernst Zundel)

>Josef Mengele was the real Zodiac Killer, the Boston Strangler(s), and even the anthrax letter mailer of 2001. 
[Mengle actually died in 1979 in South America] ( 

>Aleister Crowley was a British Secret agent during WWII. His handler was Ian Flemming [actually Crowley really did write to the British government offering his services as a spy. They basically told Crolwey to get lost. He was never a spy]. 

The Bush Family

>George H.W. Bush was really George Scherff Sr., a Nazi sent to destroy America as a teenager and adopted by Prescott Bush (Scherff was also an assistant to Nikola Tesla, and stole all Tesla's inventions after he was murdered by Otto Skorzeny and Reinhard Gehlen). 

>George Bush was a CIA agent who participated in the JFK assassination cover-up. 

>John Hinkley Jr. was a life long friend of the Bushes, and was secretly sent by them to try to assassinate President Ronald Reagan. (Lyndon LaRouche)

>The children's book Curious George was inspired by a young George Bush Sr. That's probably why Alan J. Shalleck, creator of Curious George, was murdered by two men he met through a gay sex network one day before the movie premiered. This information comes from a man named Eric Berman, who claims he heard it straight from his girlfriend's dad, Otto Skorzeny, in Florida during the late 1990s. [Skorzeny actually died in Madrid, Spain in 1975].

>Jeb Bush rigged the 2000 election with the "Butterfly Ballots" so his brother Gorge H.W.Bush Jr. could win [believed by everybody who hates Bush]...even though the ballot was designed during the adminstration of Florida Gov. Lawton Childs, a Democrat, and most of the Supervisors of Elections in Florida counties were appointed by Childs! 

>George Bush was behind 9-11. The plane everyone saw crash into the Pentagon was really a missle.

>No, Dick Cheney was really behind 9-11. Bush was just a dupe. The  planes crashing into the buildings seen by thousands of people didn't really bring the structures down, it was blown up with dynamite. 

Rock and Roll

>Rock and Roll was created by Blacks using Voodoo rythyms to brainwash white teenagers. It's all part of their goal of race mixing (KKK in the 1950's. This idea was later recycled into a less racist version by "Christian" comic book publisher and conspiracy monger Jack Chick).

>Rock records have "subliminal" messages that can only be heard when you play them backwards (even though subliminal messages don't work that way.). 

The Royals

>Queen Elizabeth I was really a man. The real Elizabeth died as a child. 

>The British Royal Family had a horribly deformed male relative they hid from the world in a Glamis Castle in Scotland, known as "The Mosnter of Glamis". He was said to have lived to be well over 100; from the late 1700's into the early 20th century. The late Queen Mum (Elizabeth I) almost discovered him as a child. (FATE Magazine). When he died his rooms were bricked in. In some versions of the story, a vampire is born every century into the family and bricked in a room in the castle. Still other versions of the story have the monster living by a nearby Loch. 

>Prince Eddy, Duke of Clarence, faked his death to move to Austria and became Adolph Hitler.

>No, Prince Eddy, Duke of Clarence (and/or Freemasons acting on his behalf) was Jack the Ripper.

>If you combine the two above theories (i.e., 
Prince Eddy murdered women as Jack The Ripper, faked his death, resurfaced as Adolph Hitler) then Jack the Ripper was Adolph Hitler! 

>The Royal Families of Europe all belong to a Satanic Pedophile cult that the late Top of The Pops perv-o Jimmy Sayville and all the world's leaders also supposedly belonged to. For sport they hunt down nude teenagers in a "Most Dangerous Game" type deal, rape them, kill them, and then cut off their genitals and keep them as souvineris (Daniel Townsey). 

>The Royal Family is directly descended from the Biblicial King David of Israel, and Celts are really Israelites, thus the British Commonwealth and the USA (for some reason) fulfill all the Biblical prophecies about Israel. The Royals supposedly know all this, but keep quiet about it (Armstrong cults, Christian Identity groups, British Israelites).  

>Queen Elizabeth had former Princess of Wales Diana assassinated to prevent her from giving birth to a Muslim rival
...Jodi Fahid's the throne (British tabloids, 

>The 1939 War of the Worlds radio broadcoast was a psychological warfare study funded by C.D. Jackson on behalf of the Rockefeller Foundation, designed to find out how Americans would react to an enemy invasion. 
(Daniel Hopsicker) Funny... in a trailer for his mockumentary F is for Fake, Orson Welles did say the WoW broadcast had "secret sponsors". 

Anti-Semitic Conspiracy Theories about The Jews

>Jews drink the blood and eat the flesh of Gentile children during Passover (from the Middle Ages). This is known as the "Blood Libel" myth. Some Catholics still revere the relics of Medieval child saints supposedly slaughtered and devoured by Jews. William of Norwich, Little Saint Hugh of Lincoln, Simon of Trent became objects of local cults and veneration, and in some cases were added to the General Roman Calendar, even though lacking official canonization in the Roman Catholic Church. Gavriil Belostoksky, was canonized by the Russian Orthodox Church. [ Now, it kind of  makes you re-think why the new Pope might really support the Palestininans, now doesn't it?] 

> Modern day Jews secretly practice human sacrifice (Harrel Rhome).

>Jesuits sank the Titanic to kill some of the world's richest, most powerful Jews.(Vatican Assassin Archive, et al)

>Jews run all the banks of the world (believed by all anti-Semites)...well, except for the banks in every Muslim country, North Korea, Mongolia, China, The Bank of America (CEO Brian Moynihan, an Irish-American Roman Catholic), etc., but why let the truth get in the way?

>The Jews were really behind 9-11 to make Muslims look bad. The Jews that worked at the WTC were called the day before and warned not to go to work. 

>Israel trained sharks to attack Muslims bathing in the Red Sea (Muslim Brotherhood).

>The Jews created Christianity to control the world (Adolph Hitler, modern day Odinists). Apparently the Jews should have told Christians to not instigate Pograms and The Inquisition, and so forth. 

>The Rothchilds, Europe's only Jewish Nobility, have created every war in Europe, including WW2. They secretly run everything. This addition from lunatic John Todd: The Rothchild's are really Satanists. There are hooks on the chimneys at the Rothschild estate in London where witches hang their brooms when they fly in. 

>The plans for Jews to take over the world in the 19th century were leaked in a document called The Protocols of The Learned Elders of Zion. [It was actually written by the chief of the Russian Czar's secret police to discredit his enemies. Even though debunked long ago as a hoax, the book is still held as gospel for anti-Semites.]

New World Order Conspiracy Theories  

>Denver International Airport was built expressly to conceal a vast underground complex, headquarters of the New World Order elite. Clues are hidden in the airport's peace-themed mural [why do these people go to all the trouble to create these super secret conspiracies and then leave "clues" all over the place for some goober to find???].


>We are actually living in the 1700s. The early Middle Ages (614-911 A.D.) never occurred. Everything that supposedly happened during those years was either a misunderstanding, an event from a different era, or an outright lie (Herbert Illig's phantom time hypothesis). Charlemagne, for instance, is a fictional figure...and since I'm a descendant of Charlemagne, I must be too, then. [YIKES! I'M NOT REAL! THE CONSPIRACY NUTS/OCCULT CROWD FINALLY FIGURED OUT A WAY TO STOP ME! lol Just kidding. I'm real. So were the Middle Ages]  

>Shortly before he left office, Bill Clinton secretly signed into law the National Economic Security and Reformation Act (NESARA). This act would have completely restructured the U.S. government by - among other things - forgiving all personal credit card debt and mortgages, abolishing the IRS, restoring constitutional law, and somehow ensuring world peace - but the Supreme Court placed a gag order on it, and threatened death to any government official who breathed word of its existence. NESARA activists around the world are agitating to get the act announced and instituted.

>Aspartame, fluoride, genetically modified foods, and vaccines are used specifically to keep us sick and open to suggestion, and/or as part of a secret depopulation plan designed by the world's elite (John Birch Society).

>Jeffrey Dahmer was an actor hired by the Ambrosia Chocolate company to pose as a cannibal killer so no one would object to the factory being torn down and another one built with illegal tax breaks. I guess Dahmer should have reveled the whole thing was a hoax before he got sent to prison and killed by another inmate. 

>The Sandy Hook School shooting was staged. It was all an elaborate hoax by the NWO people to take our guns away. The grieving families were just Hollywood actors. (From WellAware1, a website owned by a lunatic that claims all politicians, government officials, historic figures, celebrities, and other people featured in media-covered events are actually imposters portrayed by actors! The site maintains that Adolf Hitler and Walt Disney were both "pseudo-persons" played by Kermit Roosevelt, son of U.S. president Teddy Roosevelt. Even some low information humans who believe every conspiracy theory have to preface this pants soiling insane garbae with the disclaimer: "Um, this guy has some stuff on his website I don't really believe") 

>In the 1970's, The CIA sent a pair of agents (who were husband and wife) to discover which church was the only true church...apparently the Cold War wasn't keeping them busy enough. It turned out to be the true church was the Mormons! The government allowed the couple to remain in the LDS church. (Urban legend circulated throughout LDS circles in the 70's and 80's, and probably even now) 

Racist Things About White People by Militant Blacks

>White people were created in a lab by an evil Black scientist who lived on the Moon millions of years ago. (Nation of Islam)

>Atlanta child murder theories: Victims were used for CDC research into Interferon; KKK Klansmen posed as cops to wipe out young black men (Dick Gregory); 

>White scientists needed the black boys' foreskins killed in the Atlanta Child Murders to produce a cure for cancer and/or a youth serum. (Dick Gregory again. Jesus Hopscotching Christ, Dick Gregory, what the Hell have you been smoking???)

>The US government blew up the levees in New Orleans with dynamite to kill blacks. It wasn't Hurricane Katrina (Louis Farrakhan)

>Church's Fried Chicken was really owned by the KKK. Their chicken is laced with chemicals to secretly sterilize Black men. In some versions of the story, 
the U.S. government laced the chicken with chemicals to sterilize Black men (urban legend).

>The U.S. Government plans to someday kill 22 million Blacks in concentration camps in a plan called "The King Alfred Plan". The plans can be read in the Library of Congress; executive orders 11490, 11921, 12148  (Elijah Grant). In earlier versions of the story, the government had a secret concentration camp in the everglades where they send Blacks (urban legend).  

The Illuminati

[A real secret society created in Bavaria 1776. It's goals were to take over the world and eliminate religion. It failed, was discovered and banned by the Bavarian government, and it hasn't existed since the 18th century. End of story. Nevertheless, the legend lives on!]

>The Illuminati secretly runs everything and is trying to take over the world [which seems pointless if it runs everything]. 

>The Illuminati is using Rock music to get teenagers into witchcraft (John Todd scare of the 1970's. Todd was later convicted of rape in the 1990's)

>The super rich Illuminati is using the Federal Reserve to bankrupt the world. Then the Illuminati will be super duper rich, because only their money will be worth anything![...for some reason]

>Several pop stars are alleged to be in the Illuminati, simply because they mention it in their songs. Some conspiracy nuts simply imagine "symbolism" in music videos to be "clues" to Illuminati membership. Britney Spears' Work Bitch video has "cube shaped images" which are "symbolism of Saturn worship" and circle images which are linked to "goddess worship" (even though the Illuminati were atheists, not goddess worshipers, but hey). And don't forget triangles/pyramids are also supposedly associated with the Illuminati. So basically any freaking shape is Illuminati, and anyone with geometric shapes is an illuminati member! Katy Perry made a "kid friendly Illuminati video" with Dark Horse. Niki Minaj, when not getting into bitch fights with Mariah Carry, is also said to be a member. ( 

Pictured Below: Not-so-kid-friendly video loop from Katy Perry's California Girls music video. OK, so apparently the Illuminati's super secret evil plan to take over the world this time will involve hot girls with huge boobs who squirt whip cream all over...WAIT, WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT??? OF COURSE THAT WILL WORK! OK ILLUMINATI, I SURRENDER! YOU WIN!


>Jimmy Carter is the Anti-Christ. Armageddon will happen in 1979. (John Todd again. )

>Joseph Stalin and Adolph Hitler were both members of the Illuminati...even though they tried to destroy each other in WWII. 

Roman Catholics

>The Jesuits ordered the assassination of Abraham Lincoln (Charles Chiniqy)...even though John Wilkes Booth was Episcopalian.

The Jesuits started World War I, World War II, and The Vietnam war. (Jack Chick)

>The Roman Catholic Church created Islam. Right. Apparently it needed something that would try to wipe the Catholic Church out completely.  The assassination attempt on Pope John Paul by a Muslim was actually staged to gain sympathy from Muslims.  
(Chick again)

>Jehovah's Witnesses are really the creation of the Roman Catholic Church and answer to the Jesuits. (Alberto Rivera)

>The Roman Catholic Church isn't really Christianity. It's actually based on Ba'al/Sun Worship. (Hyslop) [Apparently he never realized that would mean all Protestant Churches are Ba'al worshipers too].

>The Vatican has the names of every Protestant on file. There are miles and miles of tunnels under the Vatican just for this purpose.  It's being done in preparedness for another inquisition (Chick)

>The Holocaust was done as a new Inquisition, carried out by secret sealed orders from the Pope to Adolph Hitler, Mussolini, and Franco. (Chick) 

>The biggest collection of pornography in the world is said to be housed in the Vatican! (Anton LaVey)

And Finally...THIS WEBSITE

>Uncommon Sense Media is really a source of "Disinfo" to cover up what the Illuminati is really doing (from an email from a conspiracy nut). 

>The owner is probably really "some kind of Freemason" and is apparently lying about it (a guy on Yahoo Answers).

>This website is just a money making scam. It's all lies (From Wiccans, Satanists, et al, who sent emails). [For running a "money making scam", I really suck at it, since I probably lose a couple hundred bucks a year on this.)

>The owner of this website helped Micheal Jackson fake his death. The clues are: The website mentions Father Alberto Moreno and if you look on the Thriller video, "Moreno" is on one of the tombstones. (from an online conspiracy forum) That's it. That's all it takes to be part of a conspiracy. lol 



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